Ishu
10 years old Ishu is impatiently pacing up and down the sitting room of his house with long wobbly steps, a half smile on his face. He cannot balance very well and excitement is making him even more nervous, causing him to run into pieces of furniture. He runs his hand over his face, feels the sharp edge of his teeth and laughs to himself. No one knows what he is thinking. Except, to an extent, his mom. “He can’t wait to get to school. He loves being with other children,” says homemaker Ritu Negi, 35, Ishan’s delicately built smiling mom. She’s right. The moment the school bus comes around the corner and stops at the gate, Ishu’s eyes sparkle. Pushing the door open, he eagerly makes his way to the mini bus that will take him to Tapovan Government School for Special Children, Ganganagar.
Ishu is special. And not just because he shares his name with Isa Maseeh or Jesus Christ (he was born on Christmas Eve in a hospital run by the Missionaries). Not even because he is one of India’s 3 per cent children who are born mentally/ physically challenged (government statistics don't even bother to distinguish between the two). Ishu is special because he does not feel malice, he does not judge people from the way they look or behave and he does not bear a grudge against those who look the other way because they are not willing to accept him the way he is. There are very few others like him in this world and we the not-so-special need to respect that, even if we cannot emulate it.
Though physically Ishu is 10, he suffers from MR (mental retardation) and autism that brings his mental age down to a year and half. He cannot feed himself, clean himself, express his feelings, read a book or even understand a bedtime story – normal stuff that most other kids his age do. Yet, in many ways he is just like any other child because he loves Maggi, enjoys spicy chicken curry, likes having guests over, misses his grandparents when they are away and likes to fiddle with the television switch, giggling at the screen light going on and off at his little act of naughtiness. He has not learnt to say Mummy yet but his dad is a happy man because only recently Ishu called out to him and said “Papa”.
“That’s the first word he has started saying and he understands it means father,” says a very proud Ritu, who generously takes time out of her busy schedule to open a window into the life of a special child for us. According to statistics released by CRY (Child Relief and You) 3 % of India's children are mentally/physically challenged. As many as 20 out of every 1000 rural children are mentally/physically challenged, compared to 16 out of every 1000 urban children. Out of this staggeringly large number only one lakh children are getting special education. Teachers at Tapovan, the school Ishu goes to, make him do speech exercises, hand coordination, physiotherapy, get him to practice sitting in one place since he is hyperactive and help him to colour using crayons.
Why we need integrated education
Avenues for integrated learning – schools where special kids interact with other normal kids their age – are limited and Ritu points out that often parents of normal children don’t want their children mixing up with those suffering from MR or autism. Sometime back when she had put Ishu in integrated hobby classes at Dehradun’s Latika Vihar, many of the other parents objected to having their children interact with special kids. “They feared it was something contagious which their kids would catch,” says Ritu. Very unfortunate, not just for special children but society as well. Special kids need to be with normal kids because they learn better and pick up faster by example. And normal kids need to be with special kids because integrated education sensitises and educates them about special needs and helps in making them more humane members of society. This is the only solution to a world that cruelly alienates special children and their parents because it cannot be bothered to understand them.
They need acceptance
When her neighbour Pinky hugs Ishu or takes him to her own house, it makes Ritu feel accepted as a friend and as a mother whose child is different from other children. It also gives her time to finish her chores or just read a long pending book. “Life becomes so much easier for parents of special children if they find acceptance from their families and friends. Otherwise, they end up getting isolated since they cannot participate in social functions like visits to the temple, marriages, parties etc. They have to be babysitters all the time,” says Meera Ramchander, principal of Asha School for Special Children, Bangalore, also a specialist in child development and psychology. If families and friends pitch in and help by taking care of the children for a few hours so that the parents can go for a movie, or shop or even have dinner together, it makes a big difference to the quality of their life.
More about special children
Even though we don't understand them, just the way they don't understand us, special children accept us more easily than we accept them. Ishu and others like him have their own sense of fun. Ishu likes it if his mother sings to him, he likes playing with musical toys or those with blinking lights, and he likes going to the temple and folding his hands to do “jai”. He likes walking around his house and fiddling with new things he discovers. He has a 90 per cent disability and will not be able to learn more than one or two words but every new word he learns is a big achievement and it is remarkable that he understands instructions like sit or stand and words like “paani”. Children like Ishu are difficult to train, and it takes many years of love and patience for the rewards to come. “If his requirements are met, I doubt he will miss me. He lives in his own world,” says Ritu but when his father comes back after a long absence Ishu is so overwhelmed with happiness that she sometimes doubts her own words. “God gives special children to special parents, who - he knows - will take care of them. When Ishu responds to what we say, when he is happy to see us, that’s enough for me as a mother. I love him for what he is. I never think of how it would have been if he had been born normal,” says Ritu. When she looks at him and smiles, you know she means every word of what she says. And in her brave and positive outlook, there is a lesson not just for other parents of special children but for all of us. Particularly those parents who don’t want to understand the limitations of their children and are so driven by ambition that they push their kids beyond their capabilities and refuse to accept them for the unique little people they are.
Ishu is special. And not just because he shares his name with Isa Maseeh or Jesus Christ (he was born on Christmas Eve in a hospital run by the Missionaries). Not even because he is one of India’s 3 per cent children who are born mentally/ physically challenged (government statistics don't even bother to distinguish between the two). Ishu is special because he does not feel malice, he does not judge people from the way they look or behave and he does not bear a grudge against those who look the other way because they are not willing to accept him the way he is. There are very few others like him in this world and we the not-so-special need to respect that, even if we cannot emulate it.
Though physically Ishu is 10, he suffers from MR (mental retardation) and autism that brings his mental age down to a year and half. He cannot feed himself, clean himself, express his feelings, read a book or even understand a bedtime story – normal stuff that most other kids his age do. Yet, in many ways he is just like any other child because he loves Maggi, enjoys spicy chicken curry, likes having guests over, misses his grandparents when they are away and likes to fiddle with the television switch, giggling at the screen light going on and off at his little act of naughtiness. He has not learnt to say Mummy yet but his dad is a happy man because only recently Ishu called out to him and said “Papa”.
“That’s the first word he has started saying and he understands it means father,” says a very proud Ritu, who generously takes time out of her busy schedule to open a window into the life of a special child for us. According to statistics released by CRY (Child Relief and You) 3 % of India's children are mentally/physically challenged. As many as 20 out of every 1000 rural children are mentally/physically challenged, compared to 16 out of every 1000 urban children. Out of this staggeringly large number only one lakh children are getting special education. Teachers at Tapovan, the school Ishu goes to, make him do speech exercises, hand coordination, physiotherapy, get him to practice sitting in one place since he is hyperactive and help him to colour using crayons.
Why we need integrated education
Avenues for integrated learning – schools where special kids interact with other normal kids their age – are limited and Ritu points out that often parents of normal children don’t want their children mixing up with those suffering from MR or autism. Sometime back when she had put Ishu in integrated hobby classes at Dehradun’s Latika Vihar, many of the other parents objected to having their children interact with special kids. “They feared it was something contagious which their kids would catch,” says Ritu. Very unfortunate, not just for special children but society as well. Special kids need to be with normal kids because they learn better and pick up faster by example. And normal kids need to be with special kids because integrated education sensitises and educates them about special needs and helps in making them more humane members of society. This is the only solution to a world that cruelly alienates special children and their parents because it cannot be bothered to understand them.
They need acceptance
When her neighbour Pinky hugs Ishu or takes him to her own house, it makes Ritu feel accepted as a friend and as a mother whose child is different from other children. It also gives her time to finish her chores or just read a long pending book. “Life becomes so much easier for parents of special children if they find acceptance from their families and friends. Otherwise, they end up getting isolated since they cannot participate in social functions like visits to the temple, marriages, parties etc. They have to be babysitters all the time,” says Meera Ramchander, principal of Asha School for Special Children, Bangalore, also a specialist in child development and psychology. If families and friends pitch in and help by taking care of the children for a few hours so that the parents can go for a movie, or shop or even have dinner together, it makes a big difference to the quality of their life.
More about special children
Even though we don't understand them, just the way they don't understand us, special children accept us more easily than we accept them. Ishu and others like him have their own sense of fun. Ishu likes it if his mother sings to him, he likes playing with musical toys or those with blinking lights, and he likes going to the temple and folding his hands to do “jai”. He likes walking around his house and fiddling with new things he discovers. He has a 90 per cent disability and will not be able to learn more than one or two words but every new word he learns is a big achievement and it is remarkable that he understands instructions like sit or stand and words like “paani”. Children like Ishu are difficult to train, and it takes many years of love and patience for the rewards to come. “If his requirements are met, I doubt he will miss me. He lives in his own world,” says Ritu but when his father comes back after a long absence Ishu is so overwhelmed with happiness that she sometimes doubts her own words. “God gives special children to special parents, who - he knows - will take care of them. When Ishu responds to what we say, when he is happy to see us, that’s enough for me as a mother. I love him for what he is. I never think of how it would have been if he had been born normal,” says Ritu. When she looks at him and smiles, you know she means every word of what she says. And in her brave and positive outlook, there is a lesson not just for other parents of special children but for all of us. Particularly those parents who don’t want to understand the limitations of their children and are so driven by ambition that they push their kids beyond their capabilities and refuse to accept them for the unique little people they are.
Ishan with his doting mom
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