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An encounter with a Playboy bunny

8/6/2012

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What have bunnies got to do with beaches? One look at the magnificently endowed Bridget Marquardet and you are sure to find the question ridiculous. If you happen to be male, that is. Since I’m not, I want to know. I’m also mad about the fact that despite madly aspiring studs in office ready to kill each other for the assignment, it has been handed to me. The less said about the' psychological perversions of editors, the better.

“So how did you go from being House Bunny at the Playboy Mansion to hosting Beach Watch, a show for Discovery Travel & Living ,” I throw her my first question, risking a clobbering from any adoring male fans in the vicinity. “The channel wanted to do a show about the world’s best beaches, and they were looking for a host. I’ve always wanted to host my own show and to be able to travel the world and this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up,” the Playboy bunny flashes a smile that has most definitely killed before. Young waiter hovering around the table with love struck eyes swoons and almost drops his tray on my note pad.

Twelve different regions, with the host checking out six different beaches in each location taking the total to 70 gorgeous beaches, my notes tell me. Steam curls out of my ears.

So this is a show about the world’s best beaches. And the lady checking them out owns one of the world’s best bodies. Basically implies a wardrobe of  bikinis, bermudas, tiny sun dresses, shorts (Go right ahead, feel free to drool all over this page). Small travel bag? I enquire curtly. The lady is amused. “Oh no!” Man at the next table, who has been showing symptoms of some serious breathing disorder even since he spotted her, faints into his risotto and  suffocates. “Oh no! We had a total of, like, nine big luggages. We changed for every single scene we did. So if I went to breakfast on the beach, it was, like, one dress and then in the next scene for laying out on the beach or playing frisbee, I was in a different outfit. I changed probably a minimum of three times a day and the most, like, six times a day. For my personal stuff I had, like, three large bags, and then I had a wardrobe stylist that brought six giant suitcases on rollers.” Which is ( like) a million wardrobe changes? So why isn't the show on Fashion TV?  

Bridget ignores me. “My favorite bikini line is called Beach Bunny. That’s the name of the designer.” I glare at man-at-next-table who has revived from his near death experience and is now ogling shamelessly. She ignores us both. “But then we also had cover-ups and sundresses and shorts and athletic wear, and evening stuff to go out in, so we had tons of high heels because it makes your legs look really good, and your butt  too, like, when you wear high heels with a bikini”. I stopped taking notes a long time back.  Now I am seriously thinking of committing suicide by swallowing my pen or at least taking big bites out of my dictaphone in frustration.  I decide, instead, to end the torture. But she won’t let me. “For bikinis, I like Beach Bunny. And then for shoes, we had all kinds from Mark Jacobs to Christian, Louis Vuitton, to just everyday shoes that we found along the way. And we liked to get things that were from each area as well.  For instance, when we were in Australia, we bought the Australian bikini. When we were in Thailand, we got Thai shoes and cute little outfits. In Morocco, we got the coolest shoes, and fun stuff to …….” Bridget! Bridget! BRIDGET! Err...ahem....thanks a ton.” 

Just one last question before we wrap up. Do you think the channel would have approached you if this was a show on – say- the coldest mountains of the world? “I hope not because I hate the cold.  I like it to be nice and warm, and I’m not very good in the cold,” she chirrups endearingly blinking her beautifully mascaraed big lashed eyes. Alright guys, hand her your jackets! I’m getting out of here.

The DH Sunday editor surprised me by publishing this article as is. Or maybe that just proves what I have always suspected: that newspaper editors never read what reporters write. http://www.deccanherald.com/content/32209/wandering-along-beaches.html 
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    Rachna Bisht Rawat is a full time mom and part time writer. She is married to an Army officer whose work takes the family to some of the most interesting corners of India.

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