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Ode to an arranged marriage

8/4/2011

21 Comments

 
When I was a little school girl with an oily plait (sometimes two) and knew zilch about love and romance (except what I gathered from sneak reading Mills & Boon novels under the covers of my school books and watching two flowers meet on the silver screen), I attended this family wedding. My glamorous, gorgeous cousin, with the striking red sari and dark kohl rimmed eyes (that looked just a little scared that night) was getting married to this tall, lanky guy with a warm smile and friendly eyes. I ogled quietly from behind marigold garlands and banana leaves and plastic chairs and just about everywhere (including mom’s sari pallu and panditji's drooping shoulders). He was a geologist with the ONGC. He had a well settled, decent family. He was an only son. I could hear the envious family gossip but was completely deaf to it all. I only had eyes for one man that night.
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Time travel to 25 years back
It was this fascinating stranger who - from now on - was going to be Piyush jeejs to my Guddi didi. The way he looked into her eyes, the way his fingers closed around her mehendi adorned hand when her dad put it in his during the pheras, the way he stood affectionately behind her (she was a few inches shorter, even with high heels) had me completely mesmerized. I think I was too star struck to even say hello to him. I could only stare. That’s true love, I thought, getting heady on the fragrance of the red roses that mixed with the pungence of the marigold flowers on the wedding pandal, coughing over the sandalwood smoke wafting from the holy fire. That’s what the M&Bs write about. And one day, I’m going to find someone like him too. 


I remember whispering into my cousin Tanu’s ear long into the night about how wonderful he was and how lucky she was to have him for life. We were just little girls then. And little girls draw pink hearts on textbooks and have these romantic beliefs that don’t always pass the test of time. Because, as they grow older they realise that M&Bs are romantic trash and most marriages and the L word, don't always go together.

But guess what! It’s been 25 years and that’s one romance that has remained true, to this day. And that’s the way I want it to stay long after my hair turns grey (i.e. when I decide to stop colouring it). That tall, lanky stranger is fifty plus years now. He stopped being a stranger a long time back. He’s PJ and DOJ (dirty ol’ jeejs) and the uncrowned King of Crass. He’s a lot of things but above all he’s family. And when I see him with my sister, my heart still gets all warm and mushy. They lie in each other’s arms and read newspapers together. They find time for movie dates and quiet dinners despite the parenting burden of those two brats – Pauny and Paper Bag – who have since tumbled into their lives and caused him to lose some of his hair (she still stays an eternal 20 though) . 

Sometimes she cribs and he listens.Sometimes he sulks and she ignores. Sometimes she complains about how gloomy he is. Sometimes he wants to know if she sets money on fire. But when she chops a finger in the kitchen, he’s the first one there with a band aid. When she wants a Stella McCartney bag, he hands over his wallet. When she doesn't want to cook, he brings food home. When her cousin comes visiting (yes, me), he graciously makes place on the bed and moves with his pillow and sheet to the sofa outside.  If that's not love, what is?

So, what can I say about the guy who made me believe in love; and marriage. And - most importantly - that the two could mutually coexist. What can I write about the guy who showed me, by example, what caring and sharing was all about. Who poured me my first (and only – it was awful) glass of sake and bought me the first rose of my life (when he caught me watching forlornly as he gave one to his wife). What can I say to the man who convinced me that we aren’t always born into families, we marry them too. And we do grow to love them just as much. Yes, what can I say to the guy who set such exacting standards in husbands that Manoj is ready to kill him for it. (Stay safe, maybe?)

Actually, I can’t say much to Piyush jeejs, except thank you. Thank you for being there. For choosing to marry my cousin and including the rest of our family in your warm embrace. For sharing with us your lovely songs and your dirty jokes; your wine; your sentimental musings, your sense of humour, your books, and your barbeques. For being there with us, for us, in happiness and in pain and around bonfires lit under the stars on cold winter nights. For adding music to the air and a mandolin to the moonlight. Thank you for walking (or, did you come on a horse?) into our lives, 25 years back. Things couldn’t ever have been the same without you.
 
(And if you’re reading this again PJ, you know I mean every word and don't just want that  D&G bag) :)

Kohl: eyeliner (earlier made of poisonous things but now more eye friendly); pallu: free edge of the sari; panditji: Brahmin priest; jeejs: brother in law; didi: elder sister; pandal: tent


If you've managed to read this mushy piece, then this piece of music is for you and whoever makes you hear mandolins in the moonlight. It also goes out specially for my husband who has kept my belief in happy marriages alive.
To comment on this article
Just click on Comments, scroll down and fill up the leave a reply box that appears. Then click on submit. 
It's easier than it sounds. :)
21 Comments
Piyush
8/4/2011 05:01:12 pm

No, Rachna I did not come on a horse...that I remember very clearly, the rest your narrative has brought to life :)

Reply
noopur
8/4/2011 05:17:19 pm

looks like someone has just earned a fully paid luxury trip to Bali in December. No wonder Manoz is sulking :)

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Nidhi Srivastava
8/4/2011 06:35:21 pm

Thats fantastic Rachna...and since I have seen this couple myself I know that each and every word that u ve written is so true!!!! Ur Jeejs and didi r just the most gorgeous couple I ve come across, God Bless them!!!!!:)

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Kritika Lomthong (Noopur's friend)
8/4/2011 07:25:07 pm

Very nice and captivated piece. It gave me a lump in the throat, not sure why.

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uma ganesan
8/4/2011 07:47:52 pm

Noopur,very well written article about u n Piyush.Remembering the wonderful times spent with u both n hope to catch up with u soon.I met u both twenty three yrs back n it seems like yesterday.In fact our meeting will always be etched in my memory ..it was 14th Jan 1989.U n Piyush will always remember this date ..n the great party we had afterwards in Panvel.

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radha
8/4/2011 09:42:01 pm

Hi Rachana,

I have no great words to describe your writings . But

Aisa laga ki Noopur aur Piyush bhai ke shadi dekh rahe hai.

Enjoyed reading everything written by you.

I congratulate you for your achievements.

regards.

Reply
Tina
8/4/2011 10:10:55 pm

Hi, rachna,
Its so damn true.....reading this i was transported back in time.....mine too was an arranged marriage....yr jeejs reminds me of my husband......am lucky (TOUCHWOOD) enough to hv experienced wd him 4 the last 24 years many ups & downs....but its the commitment that we hv 4 each other....& now as the time has flown by....the understanding 4 each other's fmly....lving & accepting all....u should ask my sister.....4 him her jeeju cd do no wrong....thanx 4 sharing this wd us...
lv

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meenakshi
8/4/2011 10:28:41 pm

Rachna- ur words create such magic- wonderfully written.Am so proud of u.Keep it up:)

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Pushpa Bhandari Bisht
9/4/2011 01:21:32 am

With the queue of diehard sceptics like me growing serpentine, the institution of marriage really needed this befitting tribute. And what better example than Noopur and Piyush. He broods, she brims over with positive energy. She burns money, he takes it on the chin with a lopsided smile. At times when she is incorrigible, he is all indulgence (and vice versa). Noopur and Piyush, Rachna and Manoj – a toast to you. You guys are the reason why I might just suggest matrimony as a viable option to my grown up daughters.

I will not say Rachna that I read your piece and now I'm a believer but ... umm close !

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Julie link
9/4/2011 11:42:54 am

Love it!

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Neelu
10/4/2011 01:43:13 pm

Hey Rachna..wasn't the first reader.. but the eleventh..an appropriate "shagun" ka number for a piece about marriage.. what say??
We can be founding members of the club (people who love Piyush Bhaiya and Adore Bhabhi..)
It's apt that I read it on my own anniversary with the similar thoughts about passage of time..energising properties of love and the toil and sweat that goes into making a wedding ceremony into a marriage...

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Manu
11/4/2011 02:33:15 am

Sis, Cohen and U!!!

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Dolly
11/4/2011 02:55:04 am

Hey Rachna,compliments to your writing skills .
Piyush and Guddi are indeed fortunate to have you as their cousin who could pen down the facts so beutifully..

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Anisha
11/4/2011 06:28:40 am

Great tribute to arranged mariages and your cousin and Jeej :-)
I enjoyed reading it which would mean it was not that mushy either ;-)
Thx for sharing!

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manoj rawat
11/4/2011 02:03:28 pm

thank you for dedicating such a lovely number. It goes for both of us.

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usha k swamy
11/4/2011 02:08:06 pm

wow ,rachna that was magic flowing 4m ur pen as usual ,i had a taste of it some time ago wen u wrote that wonderful piece abt me .Marriages sure r made in heaven but its on earth n up 2 us 2 nurture it or break it ,the key here is not 2 tak each other 4 granted .LOVELY PIECE!

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jb
11/4/2011 04:51:56 pm

very beautiful.....amazed.....

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Ritu Jadwani
11/4/2011 06:18:17 pm

Lovely reading
i bumped into this post, thanks to noopur mam.

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Mahendra
23/4/2011 12:29:30 am

First, I am lodging a formal protest against some derogatory remarks about sake - You need to have more than one glass (preferrably a full bottle) before you get the taste for it (or stop bothering about the taste).

But I do agree with what Rachna says here, though when I compare how the two look after 25yrs of marriage, I wonder why it is the male that has to take all the lumps?

Reply
South Florida Beach Wedding link
8/8/2012 05:41:49 pm

the best complement upon each of our garden that people include are usually people garden injections, your garden injections created our children extra happy”

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florida beach wedding link
28/5/2013 03:15:19 pm

I’m so happy to read this. This is the type of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that’s at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best marriage.

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    Rachna Bisht Rawat is a full time mom and part time writer. She is married to an Army officer whose work takes the family to some of the most interesting corners of India.

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