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TV shows we'd rather not see in 2012

30/12/2011

25 Comments

 
The year ends. And if you are a couch potato who needs to be hooked to a TV set 24/7, odds are you are on the verge of a mental collapse. Television program producers fed us such utter nonsense in 2011 that our brain cells are dying. 

Simi Garewal walks away with the crown for being the most irritating television host ever. Her talents include appearing on camera with zero research; stretching a two-minute interview to an hour, or even two if she can pull it into another episode; repeatedly bringing on the same guests (who give it away by consistently behaving like retards); and feeding us stuff that we already know from reading intellectually stimulating literature like Filmy Kaliyan and Stardust. Karan Johar with his “Hey! Look at me. I’m so pretty and I know the pet names of all the Bollywood stars” comes a breathless second. 

So here goes folks. Here is an incomplete (there isn’t space enough to do them all) list of programs and people we would like to see less, preferably none, of in the year 2012. 
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Karan, we really don't think you're as pretty as you believe. The only way we're willing to tolerate looking at you is if your head is dunked in that mug of coffee you are holding.
Coffee with Karan: Spare us your designer dresses, your saccharine smile, your rolling eyes, your Bollywood dosts, your couch and your coffee Mr Johar. How many times will we hear the same old stories from the same old people. In fact, we have actually gotten old watching them. And part of our peeve is that they still look the same surgically perfect while we are getting buried in piles of wrinkles. Go away and make some movies and preferably release them in some geographical location where we don’t have to watch those either. Here’s throwing a virtual shoe at you. Hope that landed in your coffee.

Simi Garewal
: Simi, Simi, SIMI! Even if your hearing is no longer what it used to be 100s of years back, hope you heard that. It’s time to RETIRE. You can’t keep inflicting yourself at us, our great grandparents and our grandkids over centuries just because you are blessed with an agelessness that fits better with the vampires of the Twilight series. If we want to watch a sniffling, hand-holding, chat show host who likes playing psychologist  to her guests, we’ll watch Oprah. Actually, we don’t want to watch her either. If we really want to hear how wonderful the person sitting next to you is, we’ll come home. So please spare us the white dresses and the emotional atyachaar. And a parting word of advice to you: Get real. At least you should know who is inside that one inch makeup and bad hair. We are not interested.

Film promotions: Television memories of 2011 include Vidya Balan shaking her bust to Oo la la, in the middle of soaps like Bade Acche Lagte Hain; Katrina slapping Imran in Kaun Banega Crorepati; John and Akshay showing their muscles and pelvic moves in the Big Boss house. Film stars belong in cinema halls, not our bedrooms. TV program producers as well as their brethren who produce films need to know that when we are watching a television program (however trashy) it is a matter of personal choice. If you want to advertise your film, buy commercial time and let it come on between episodes so that we can use that time to take a pee break.

The same old newsreaders: Would Barkha Dutt, Arnab, Rajdeep, Sagarika and the rest of their ageing pals on TV please unplug their laptops and retire. Let some fresh talent get in front of the camera, guys. We have ODed on your earnestness, your will to do social good, your analyses, your carefully dumbed down designer clothes.  Arnab, who already dresses like Clark Kent, can comb a curl in the middle of his forehead and audition for a Superman sequel.  Sagarika, who has  built up considerable fan following amongst pet Pomerarians by yelping at her guests, could try a dog rescue shelter and Rajdeep and Barkha can figure out some alternate career choices too.

Reruns of imported rubbish:  Please spare us late night reruns of absolute bakwas reality shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. We have enough of that being churned up at home.  Will the guys who bring us retarded rubbish like Emotional Atyachaar and Dare to Date please stand up and show their faces.

Regressive serials: No! PLEASE! Don’t show us any soap with a title that goes beyond three words – Radha ki Betiyan Kuch Kar Dikhayengi;  Sautan ki Beti ki Aankh ka Aansu; Ghar Aayegi Meri Lado ek Din and similar shows that make us shudder in fear as they bring us scary females who dress in pink saris and and males who let their eyebrows do the acting, since they are never  given any dialogues.  Alright, I might have made up some of those names, but even on assignment I absolutely refuse to watch any of these soaps that are conspiring to reduce audiences to brainless masses of quivering jelly.

And finally, some last words on what we would like to see on television. Some good documentaries on travel, people and food, some humour or at least something that respects the brain cells that haven’t died yet. And now if you excuse me I need a break to do some deep breathing exercises and wipe the froth off my mouth.

Fact is stranger than fiction: The Indian television industry with 600 channels is estimated to clock revenue of Rs 32,000 crore by the year-end, which is a 14 per cent growth.
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Simi Garewal walks away with the crown for being the most irritating television host, ever.
25 Comments
Mahendra
30/12/2011 06:41:50 pm

I think this trend (of the media content quality going down relentlessly) is being driven by two factors :

1. The media must cater to the lowest common denominator to get the viewer reach and associated ad revenues (and this is a global trend - so the broadcast media quality is going down globally; Witness the mind numbing reality shows coming from the west)
2. Indians cannot take jokes (they are witty when cracking jokes at others, but cannot laugh at themselves).

This combination caused me to abandon Indian TV several years ago, hence my who-cares attitidue about anything related to Indian TV (and lately to movies too - Don 2 was probably the last nail in the coffin).

My solution is to read Internet blogs (like this one :-)), and watch documentaries or witty programs like The Daily Show. If the Indian TV industry and its 32K crore Rs disappeared at the stroke of midnight today, I would probably only notice it around 2014, and that too just because our house in Kotdwara would have become a quieter place (none of the shrill cacophony that is the hall mark of the Indian serial jangling your nevers from 8PM onwards - when Mom starts watching her favorite serial)

Happy new year everyone!

Reply
Rachna
2/1/2012 11:27:00 pm

No chance of the TV industry disappearing overnight. So don't dream about that. Better to develop a taste for Simi and Karan or blogs like this one :)

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MAYA MOUSI
30/12/2011 09:21:24 pm

Hi RACHNA !

Blog is fantastic .....!

Expecting some thing NEW.... " THIS YEAR "......!


GOD BLESS U ALL.......!


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RITEN
31/12/2011 12:29:15 pm

You brought out an absolutely relevant subject at the very last leg of 2011.We surely had a painful year with these audio visual Duds hellbent on making our senses numb.Its time the country stood up and do something to knock the daylights out of these media Barons churning out trash from some Chandni bar or something.Simi needs to be sent to the Thar//and Rachna what is this trash of Twenty Award Functions,one in Mumbai,one in Sun City
one in Chennai.Videocon Awards,Harpic Awards.TV has turned the sensibilities
of all of us upside down//we need to boycott,dissuade people to go to Malls and look out for one glimpse of a Hero.
Media needs to underplay this hero worship and hype.When a surgeon performs a life saving operation, does he get an award? Then why an illiterate Cheeku guy paid 6 crores for a film shooting love scenes in Greece be felicitated in 20 functions.
Our KJ has a point about the Lowest denominator,But is the media not supposed to make efforts to upgrade the
taste of the public at large.I get a feeling 2012 will be a more rational TRP year.Rachna,U have hit the nail on the head.No more manhours wastage on Koffees and Ads.You certainly brought out the quintessense.With all the patrons going Gaga over Lady Gaga and the rest,it had to be Rachna to say,"The King has no clothes."
ButMahendra,Friends & the Standalone comedies are also pakaoing us too much. Can someone please pass on a kick to British TV too.

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Rachna
2/1/2012 11:30:42 pm

I'm sorry I forgot all about the carefully manipulated 299 award functions. :(

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Ritha Hegde
31/12/2011 01:15:18 pm

Ok...so...mmm...well...ufff what shall I say? Looks like including you, all your readers are also going to bash me up. Television is showing such so called nonsense because people like me still see it :(
Eeee...did I hear a "WHAT????" Well..sorry...personally I am a fan of reality TV. I like to see the real emotions flowing out. I know 80% of them are scripted..but..there are many eyebrows raised when I say I like them, and I know I am adding many more to the list by writing it down here. But yes I agree Simi was no attraction...I just watched one episode and gave up. Karan's show is also becoming repetetive.
But one thing I have to tell you, that will make you happy - I was reading your blog as the clock turned 12:00 AM of Jan 1st :) Happy New Year!

Reply
Rachna
2/1/2012 11:31:58 pm

Ritha, you were reading my blog as the clock struck 12. Big *GRIN* Ab toh saal bhar padhna padega.

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Pushpa Bhandari Bisht
1/1/2012 09:26:14 pm

Hi Rachna,
This post comes, not because I’m a television aficionado but because you said it’s the last blog of the year. I wanted to steal a march on everyone by being the first to comment....but alas !
True TV has become the dregs. Simi Garewal is becoming more idiotic by the day (are they still running that show?) I was under the misconception that the lady had brains. That quintessential narcissist Karan Johar should be airlifted and dropped in some no man’s land and as a taxpayer I wouldn’t mind contributing to the cost. Arnab Goswami and Barkha Dutt continue to look as if they gave birth to half the population of the world. The serials never cease to amaze. Even during a quick surf, they blast the eye. Do those women actually go to sleep in, cook and go about in all that gaudy finery and kangans and haars ? The TLC programmes are interesting sometimes and now and then NDTV runs a researched documentary but I always seem to miss it !
My New Year resolution – to read your blogs backward. I want to read all the ones I missed.

Reply
Rachna
2/1/2012 11:37:38 pm

No pressure on the blog reading. I told you before - the blog and their writer shall wait for you till eternity. Thereafter we might start haunting you :)

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Anishahing if they
3/1/2012 01:38:42 am

Hey Rachna Happy New Year. Nice year end blog. Acchi li hai in sabki ;-) I hate to watch TV serials but find myself watching if they are on.. its like this evil, that does give you an escape temporarily from the day to day life without the use of mind.. lowest form of entertainment ;-)

I must say, how much ever repetitive the singing dancing show seem, i still enjoy watching them with the rest of the family (maybe sometime comedy shows too), anything other than those feel a sheer waste of time.
Looking forward to the New Year blog now

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Anisha
3/1/2012 01:39:42 am

Messed up the name :-) Another keystroke error

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rachna
3/1/2012 04:24:57 pm

Hey i watch them too. But when caught i just say im researching for an article. :-)

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Anima
4/1/2012 12:06:26 pm

Loved the idea of throwing cyber shoes at Simi Grewal. There must be something addictive about these soaps because I know my mom watched these quite religiously. And if she missed a show, she made sure she saw the rerun the next day... :)...

Reply
rachna
5/1/2012 10:35:22 pm

Pundu you forgot Chandrakanta where we pushed women off their chairs, pulled hair and tripped Saraswati to get to the front row of Tv watchers every Sunday at the AIWC hostel

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BIG B JB
4/1/2012 10:20:21 pm

Indeed very well written article once again....yes today few celebrities who are self obsessed are dying to pose their personality/hidden talents by doing such things like Simi Grewal or May be Karan Johar...if you analyse these celebrities are having one common factor.....that is to remain in controversies....Big Boss, Roadies,Sach Ka samna,servival.....full of abusive language,trying to attract crowds by doing negative things as now Actors are short of actual acting talents. its a matter on concern that such filth is now entering our bed room..and need strong cheeck.....very well written Ma'am.....

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rachna
5/1/2012 10:37:34 pm

Roadies guys need the Kunda treatment for sure :)

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Richa
5/1/2012 09:58:13 pm

UHow dare you say such nonsense about all my favourite people. I love these shows. Im throwing a shoe at you. Hope it gets u on the nose.

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rachna
5/1/2012 10:36:06 pm

It did. OUCH!

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cecilia link
6/1/2012 09:16:05 pm

don't u think some army wives are so classily turned out......they would give these guys a run towards a better fashion sense.....

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manoj rawat
6/1/2012 10:58:45 pm

I wonder how people at far flung places like Kotdwara would spend their evenings where TV(and daily soaps) win hands down as the biggest source of entertainment if these programs were not there.
The comments offered here are from handful of intellectuals and not from the rest of the 120 cr people of our country who think otherwise. TV progs are a matter of personal choice. Barkha, Simi and Karan are there because we have allowed them to be around. You have to take them with a pinch of salt.

Reply
Manoj Rawat
6/1/2012 11:03:54 pm

I wonder how people at far flung places like Kotdwara would spend their evenings where TV(and daily soaps) win hands down as the biggest source of entertainment if these programs were not there.
The comments offered here are from handful of intellectuals and not from the rest of the 120 cr people of our country who think otherwise. TV progs are a matter of personal choice. Barkha, Simi and Karan are there because we have allowed them to be around. You have to take them with a pinch of salt.

Reply
RITEN
8/1/2012 12:36:12 pm

Manoj,
Those 120 cr people have to lump it unless the TRP surveyors are given inputs by viewers from different cross section.Barkha is ok despite Nadia tapes/one bloomer,but Karan can not call his dear friend and carry on gossiping endlessly.How about SRK interviewing a common man.The Idiot Box guys have to apply themselves.Some silly serials do get thrown off the air because of public opinion.Simi just cannot harp,So how did you take your mother's death.How else,Goddammit.You cannot be a pain,you see.
Viewer opinion is important,I feel.

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noopur
9/1/2012 10:12:33 pm

well said Rachna Bisht....why have you not asked Ekta Kapoor to retire and enjoy her billions sparing the Indian TV of the trash she churns out !!!

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Tanu
22/1/2012 02:00:51 pm

Look at another angle- ekta kapoor is actually doing community service by diverting the attention of these soap watchers from their real life problems to the reel life ones of the characters on the soaps. And don't forget that they probabaly provide bonding ground for the saas es and Bahu's who forget their otherwise irrevocable differences.to watch the serials together.And if you give them a miss for a few months, and i suspect few years even, no worries, they progress so slowly, you wouldn't have missed much. So leave the soaps alone i say and let people decide whether they want to risk killing their brain cells or not. However maybe like in case of alcohol and smoking,the govt should post a a statutary warning before the start of each.declaring them as a potential health hazard
Its the attraction of the reality shows that i cannot understand at all.........!

Reply
vivek
16/2/2012 06:04:21 pm

read ur blog. but then I m a liberated soul of watching idiot box. so, could learn a few names from ur writing. well abstracted quality analysis. even 4 commenting on garbage one has 2 sift through the dust bin. good job done.

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    Rachna Bisht Rawat is a full time mom and part time writer. She is married to an Army officer whose work takes the family to some of the most interesting corners of India.

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